If I had the opportunity to have a doula, I'd go for it if I could find someone that I felt compatible with and it wasn't cost prohibitive. It's always a good thing to have an extra person to meet your needs while you're in labour.

Are you using a midwife or an OB? I'd be more likely to use a doula with an OB. At least in my experience, my midwifery team was quite supportive and I had less of a need for additional support than I did with an OB delivery.

If you can afford it, go for it!

I have a midwife. Well, 3 actually, and have only met 2 so far. But the 2 I have met are amazing, like freaking amazing, and I've been told that I'll love the other one and I've heard really good things about all of them, they did a homebirth for a friend of a friend recently and I heard great things.

Cost-wise, realistically I'd have to get one that charges on a sliding scale. I think this is an issue with me. A) How much would I still have to pay? B) I think I would feel kind of weird about it, like I was asking a stranger for a favour, ya know? C) I'd probably have to go with a student doula, and then I can't ask around for people's experiences really to find out how good she is, and wouldn't it suck if she was not good at her stuff? D) I guess I don't even know if I need a doula. I don't know. I mean it sounds good in theory, but what if I find I don't really need one?

I have a friend who is a doula and has lots of connections, and I'll be seeing her in a couple of weeks, I was thinking I'd like to know by then if it's something to ask her about. I was thinking I would get her to be my hook-up. LOL!

I don't even know what I'm looking for in this thread, I guess just to sort out my thoughts? Has anyone had a doula attend any of their births?

Do your midwives have student midwives in for the births they attend sometimes? Both times I've had a MW birth, there was at least one student MW, and while they were paying attention to the job, they also were very attentive to me, trying to make me comfortable, helping me with positions and offering to massage whatever needed massaging.

If you go with a student doula, as long as you aren't her first client, you should be able to get references.

I had a doula for my first birth.I'm really glad I had her for the pregnancy: I had such a miserable time with my family that it was just nice to have someone to talk to about pregnancy stuff. For the birth, though? I found that I really wanted comfort from my partner, only. We just have that intimacy that makes it easier for him to support me. She worked for a charity that provided free doulas to pregnant teens in my county.

If I gave birth in a hospital, I think I'd want a doula as an advocate. Giving birth at home? I thought about hiring a sibling doula for my daughter when I hadn't told my parents and worried about what to do with T during the birth. Mostly, though, I rather have more privacy.

Hmm, it's a teaching practice but they don't have any students right now.

BGW, I was thinking about that. DH last time was really nervous and froze (and was only there for part of it anyway), but this time he wants to be supportive, he's planning to read The Birth Partner and I figure after he reads that I'll be able to gauge from his reaction to it how he'll do. I still hear that doulas are good for giving the partners breaks, and for supporting them supporting you. So I dunno.

I am going to try and make an attempt on these.

A) How much would I still have to pay?

*** You should call, check out websites, FB fan pages, etc to get an idea of costs in your area. I charge between $350-450 CDN. My doula, lives 2 hours away, and she was $650. (In order to pay for her and my midwives we cut out all extras over the pregnancy.) BUT, I would never turn away someone who wanted a doula... I would ask them what they could afford, how we could make a trade, what services they could maybe offer me... etc. We'd become partners, and we'd work it out. I think that most doulas are like this. (Nobody I know became a doula to strike it rich, LOL!) I also know doulas who offer discounts for clients working with mws or having homebirths.

B) I think I would feel kind of weird about it, like I was asking a stranger for a favour, ya know?

*** Please don't feel weird about it... as long as you are partnering, you are partnering!

C) I'd probably have to go with a student doula, and then I can't ask around for people's experiences really to find out how good she is, and wouldn't it suck if she was not good at her stuff?

*** Most student doulas here are mentored through a birth or two by their trainer, and usually have had a minimum of 3 births to be certified. Certification is big here. You could also talk to her trainer. It would suck if she was not confident and proficient. That is part of the 'risk' of choosing someone with minimal experience. I know women though who have interviewed a student, and interviewed someone with years of experience... and they jived with the student, but hired the experienced doula. Hindsight 20/20, they wished they would have gone with their gut.

D) I guess I don't even know if I need a doula. I don't know. I mean it sounds good in theory, but what if I find I don't really need one?

*** What if you find out you do?

Has anyone had a doula attend any of their births?

*** I had a doula at my second birth... SHOULD have had a doula for my first birth. My doula was really great. Her prenatal education really helped my husband out. She owned one film I didn't own, haha! When I was in labour I wanted my Mom, ONLY. My doula taught my Mom specific techniques and my Mom did them. She also worried about getting the jacuzzi ready, picking up after us, making sure we all ate, took care of A, etc, etc, etc. I ended up having the baby at home... but I felt really good knowing that if I was to be transferred to the university hospital, that my doula would be there. That is her 'main' hospital... the same hospital that my mom, husband, and I were railroaded in at A's birth.

DH last time was really nervous and froze (and was only there for part of it anyway), but this time he wants to be supportive, he's planning to read The Birth Partner and I figure after he reads that I'll be able to gauge from his reaction to it how he'll do. I still hear that doulas are good for giving the partners breaks, and for supporting them supporting you. So I dunno.

***Froze is exactly what my husband and mom did. We had practiced things prenatally, they both did books... but in the heat of the moment, they were just like any other family members watching a loved one in labour. Total blank. My doula was able to say 'Ok Neil, this is it... I know you can do this. Try this it will help.' When it ended up that I didn't want him doing anything, she showed my Mom again. She took care of Neil's immediate feelings about not being that main support person. She was able to help him contribute in other ways. I still remember him telling me I was doing fantastic, that he couldn't believe how strong I was, and helping to hold me up.

I have been a doula at 9 births, so I am not super experienced... but I have only been a doula for 2 years this Dec... and I had a baby! But I would say that in about 8/9 of those births I have had to do a lot for Mom because, while her partner wanted to do a lot to help her, initially the partner had a 'oh fuck' moment. He needed to be re-directed, encouraged, supported. Usually that did it. For the nullips, the partner and I were often up for over 30 hours. So there were times when he needed to step out because his coping skills were deteriorating. He would take a breather outside, eat something I handed him, go to the bathroom, and come back ready to go! There were also the situations where things ran amuck, or the staff were just on him. I was able to provide information and remind him that I am in his corner. The Moms remember that their partners were fabulous... the partner says 'I'd have been screwed without you.' I, of course, tell them I did nothing but encourage them to do what they already knew was best.