It's not wrong to voice your opinions about not wanting religion involved in your prenatal/birth experience. Whether she is being nice by taking on your care and charging you on a sliding scale or not, you have the right to request the kind of care you are comfortable with. It may, however, effect the quality of care you receive from her. It could potentially affect her willingness to even be your care provider, depending on how strong her religious convinctions are. That's not fair, but it could be a very real problem.

If I were in your position, before I said anything, I would weigh my options. How am I going to feel if I don't say anything? How am I going to feel if I say something and end up having to switch to an OB and have a hospital birth? Are there OBs that are accessible to you that tend towards more natural childbirth?

If you decide not to say anything, I would definitely write a letter/speak with about it after you no longer require her professional services.

I would say that I appreciate the sliding scale service, but that I did not want to hear about religion in the context of my birth. For me personally I would rather birth in the hospital with a doula (which can usually be found sliding scale) then to birth with a zealot midwife out of hospital.

Well that sucks!

Can you talk to these friends who have recommended her, and ask them if she is going to be like this throughout the pregnancy and at the birth? Has she actually mentioned anything religious to you, or are those just the books she's given you to read? Are there any hospital midwives in your area? Do you or your partner have any insurance that might cover a homebirth with the other midwife?

Either way I wouldn't read the books. There are lots of great books out there on birth, read them instead.

Just a few minutes ago I messaged two individuals that would have a pretty good idea of what she's like throughout the pre-natal care and birthing process. One has had her as a midwife twice and has helped assist her with births. We'll see what I find out.

During our meeting she didn't mention anything about religion other than saying she does midwifing as a ministry. I really have no problem with that, as long as I don't have to hear about her faith.

Tomorrow I'm gonna call my case worker and flesh out some info on medicaid and how midwifing fits into the aid should I decide to look for another midwife. Another friend recommended I talk to a few midwifes in a town three hours away. I really do so far like my OB, I've just hear so much negativity about hospital births that I'm weary about them, I should definitely talk to my dr. about different options as well.

Have you talked about it at all?

Since she comes recommended to you, I don't think that, just because she's religious, she would necessarily bring that into your care (beyond the book recommendations). Especially if you make it clear that you are not comfortable with it. If you haven't yet, ask her about it. Tell her that you aren't comfortable with religion in your prenatal care and ask if that will be a problem for her. I think open dialog is a really really useful when it comes to issues like this. Once you've talked with her more/got a sense of her and of what her care will be like, then you can decide whether or not you're comfortable with it.

You might also talk to some other OBs and midwives in your area, and figure out the best fit for you. Also, there's no reason you shouldn't have a homebirth if you want one, but I wouldn't necessarily avoid a hospital birth if it's with a provider that you prefer. Good luck with it!

As much as I am completely all for homebirth, I think the most important thing is that you are comfortable with your provider. It is important you can talk to her about what's important to you.

Remember, this woman will be the one guiding you through a very personal experience. As you get closer to your due date, you may find youself getting anxious, as you are not able to be comfortable, at a time when your comfort is most important. Yes, there are scary hospital birth-stories, but there are scary birth stories at home as well...the common theme in a lot of these "scary stories", is that the woman was made to feel uncomfortable, and not in control in some way. I would worry that you might be risking that with this mid-wife? I definalty think its something that needs to be cleared up sooner, rather than later. And if she is THAT determined to bring god into the birth, then you really need to evaluate how detrimental that will be to your comfort level at the birth, and in pre-natal care.

Can I just say you can find religious people in hospitals too? I delivered in a hospital and one of my nurses apparently was very religious. She made one comment of "God has you jsut where he wants you"-- during a contraction. I said "I don't give a crap where god wants me"-- ok it was worse than that. Then, at another point I must have said something offensive to god, or maybe i swore (again) and she like hit my arm and 'tsk tsk'ed me. I was really unhappy that she was my nurse, especially since she became my nurse after a shift change. The first nurse I had was amazing and she tried to stay with me, but her boss wouldn't let her stay. So yeah, keep in mind that just because another option is a hospital doen't mean there will not be a religious person making you uncomfortable. Also, I would much rather have a midwife than a doctor-- I was just not educated enough and did not get a midwife, but I wish I had.

Update? Did you find a good solution?

How can you hit a laboring woman for swearing? I would have kicked her out of the delivery room!

"How can you hit a laboring woman for swearing? I would have kicked her out of the delivery room!"

Seriously.

I hate when people bring their "morals" (read bigotry) into health care. I went to the ER when Cae was an infant for mastitis and the doctor kept saying how sad it was that I was having sex and that I was to young to need an iud and stuff. He didn't even listen to me say my breasts were hurting, wanted to blame my fever on my new iud and eventually made me sign out against doctors orders. He never diagnosed the mastitis and I had to look it up on the internet to figure out what was wrong.

I am not sure if you have found your way through this yet, but just in case you haven't I thought I would weight in.

As someone who works in birth, I make it a point to drop my beliefs at the door... and keep my sources neutral. I deal with all different women with all different viewpoints... I take my cues from conversation as to how to proceed. I also ask them, 'what are your beliefs and how might they affect you birth... what can I do to help you incorporate what is important to you and your family?'

It is great that this midwife offers a sliding scale, but if it is at the expense of you feeling uncomfortable, its too expensive!!!

Perhaps you could try communicating with her first. I am just thinking that if I was your midwife, I would want to know if I was making you uncomfortable. Hopefully you can have some dialogue that can put you on the same page... and you will be able to get a sense of whether or not this is the midwife for you.

If you are feeling that she is not the midwife for you, you should try and connect with someone else. Let me know if I can help you... I have some connections I can put to work for you.

A doula may be a good idea, at home or in hospital... I had a doula at home, and loved her... I knew she was there just for me! One thing I feel I must mention though is that while a doula can statistically improve your outcomes regardless of setting, she cannot change hospital protocol. I have had women hire me expecting to have me 'home up' their hospital birth. There are things I can do, and do do... but I make sure that they understand that while there will be home-y touches, a lot will depend on what the nurses are like. If a woman chooses to birth in hospital, there are going to be some things that will be pretty hard to change, so there need to be some work around preparing/ accepting that.

Either way, you need to be comfortable to keep those oxytocin levels stellar.

Best of Luck.
Let me know if I can help you.

I actually haven't decided what to do. I know I shouldn't sit on my hands and wait, but I just feel so torn. At the moment I'm leaning towards a hospital birth. I like my Dr. but I just wish I could get to know here better. I definitely get a better vibe from her than the midwife. Though I will get in touch with the midwife and talk to her about all this. Now whether to call or email her?... email probably.

I was told (either here or elsewhere) that if I do birth in the hospital I should have a doula, but I just can't spend that kind of money. If it's more then 200$ I doubt I can handle that & in that case I might as well do the midwife thing at home. I really should call around more, gather more info, I guess I just feel ambivalent about the pregnancy. I'm still processing the whole thing, but I know sooner is better than later.

Missiy, I'll be mindful that people may be bigots wherever I go. If I get a nurse like that I'll do what I can to force her the fuck out of my room.

And Yabinti, I will message you, thank you, everyone. Don't be afraid everyone to keep giving me advice and your own experiences. You'll have been a great help to me and my decision making process.

If you feel most comfortable with email, email! But if you can do phone, or in person, it would be better because you have tone... and non-verbal body language. You will be able to get a better vibe.