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Just an introduction I suppose =PMy name is Kanna. I'm 17 years old, have been living on my own since the age of 14 and never had any good parenting experiences with my own. Never knew my real father, my mother was devious and would never take the time to teach me the importance of life. I've lived all across Canada, I was born in Ontario, but now I reside in Medicine Hat, Alberta. My boyfriend's family took me in before Christmas last year, because the roommates I'd been living with at the time were immature, and dysfunctional. I never really finished school, either... I'd dropped out basically at the beginning of grade 10 so I could work at the Local Subway in High River to support myself. From that time, I'd moved from High River, to Black Diamond, to Calgary, to Vancouver, to Edmonton, and back to Calgary. From 2007 to fall of 2008. When I started dating the man I'm with right now, Karl, as I said above, they took me in. His mom really helped me out, got me everything I needed. Enrolled in the High School nearby, insurance coverage for my eyesight and dental as well as prescriptions, and basically did everything my own mother couldn't. I was really fortunate. After doing a semester at the Local High School, however, I left because I was being treated like dirt. I have Dreadlocks, so I must never shower. (Lie.) I wear interesting clothing, so that must make me mentally handicapped. I talk differently, and have a higher vocabulary range, so that must make me a loser. I'm sure all of you on this website have experienced your own Stereotyping and Bullying. But, now it's summer time and I've instead taken to Module Schoolwork, I can do in the comfort of my own home and at my own pace.
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Hi Kanna, Welcome to
Hi Kanna,
Welcome to Girlmom. It sounds like your life has been pretty rough so far. My parents kicked me out when I was 14 and I was lucky enough to be able to stay with family.
Girlmom is a 100% prochoice site. We believe in a woman's right to have an abortion no matter the reason. Whatever your personal views, you cannot express anti-choice sentiments on the website. Be sure to read the mission statement in the announcements section of the boards.
As for the smoke, once you tell your boyfriends family that you are pregnant, you can ask people to smoke outside. (Or your boyfriend can ask if that would be more comfortable.)
For the morning sickness, try keeping some crackers by the bed and eating a few before you get up. Also ginger tea is really good for stomach aches.
Hi Kanna, Welcome to
Hi Kanna, Welcome to girlmom!
Make sure to check out our mission statement and the stickies at the top of each forum to get a good idea of what this site is all about. I'd especially ask you to read the sticky Girlmom is Pro-Choice, Y'all! This is a prochoice website and we're pretty strict about it.
This is a great community - I hope you like it here
. It sounds like you've been through a lot and could use some support. As far as telling Karl's mom goes, have you talked to Karl about the best way to approach it? Do you think you two will want to tell her together? I'd suggest just breathing, and trying to be as straightforward about it as possible. Sometimes, I think, it helps to come up with a plan for what you're going to do next, so that you're prepared to talk with her about your future/options and move your conversation into a place of action. Good luck with it!
Also, a word of caution: Since this is a public board, I wouldn't recommend posting the town you live in, etc. Just for your own safety, you know?
As far as your actual question: I would try to avoid second hand smoke (of any type) as much as possible. Do the people you live with smoke in the house? Are there areas where they don't smoke? Is this something you'd feel comfortable talking with them about?
I don't think that girls are necessarily more expensive than boys, and I think in general you can bring the cost of raising a child - and especially of raising a baby - down pretty low. My experience is that the biggest expense of it is childcare.
For morning sickness, I think a lot of it depends on you and your pregnancy, but in general I suggest trying to eat lots of small meals throughout the day. If you keep something in your stomach it's less likely to act up.
Good luck with everything.
To Hilary and adcaela
Thank you very much for the insight. I appreciate it!
I'm sorry for offending anyone with what I said about the abortions. I'd never judge someone if they did, it's just not something I would choose myself.
As for how the smoking goes, they smoke everywhere in the house, even in the bathrooms, kitchens, etc. and there's a man who lives in the basement who smokes and even comes into our room with it. It can be rather difficult. And even if I did ask them to stop, I'd feel like I'm stepping out of line as this is their home and they should feel the need to do whatever in it. It's hard to explain, sort of like a redneck family, very stubborn on their habits.
I suppose I shouldn't disclose so much information, I just wanted people to get an idea of where I've been.
For the most part, telling her isn't going to be the issue. It's getting her alone without her Boyfriend around. He is homophobic, very judgmental of any sorts, extremely difficult to be serious with and has the "I'm the man of the house so I'm big and mean" perspective on life... He's really a bum in our eyes since he "can't work" and collects a little over 300$ a month in WCB, but for us it's just getting to talk to her without his judgmental attitude, we don't want any anger or hostility, just acceptance. Which seems to be really difficult to attain these days. And we feel if he's around when we tell her, he's going to try to convince her to charge us rent again as he has been, or even try to kick us out. It's been tough. But thanks for all the support and helpful tips. We're going to try to talk about it as soon as possible.
Have you thought about
Have you thought about writing her a letter? Maybe you could explain what's going on in writing, and then say in the letter that you'd like the chance to speak with her, just the three of you.
I'm not sure what to do about the smoking situation - I think once you tell everybody that you're pregnant they will understand and refrain from smoking around you. It seems like that's good reason to tell folks as soon as you can - you really don't want to be around the smoke if you can avoid it.
Thank you for the reply. I
Thank you for the reply.
I can write her a letter, but Karl wants to be the one to tell her and I respect that. His older brother has two children with his girlfriend who had their first child at 16, and another at 18, so I'm not concerned about her judging me for being young. I'm sure she will advise against it as any mother would, but I'm really fortunate that she's already been through this with another of her sons.
I think the only thing that's keeping me from putting it out in the open is the fear of her boyfriend. But this will quickly pass. We're telling her as soon as possible, and taking all appropriate steps to ensure this is a healthy baby.
Welcome! Sounds like you've
Welcome! Sounds like you've got a lot going on, I hope GM will be a great resource for you. I'm Canadian as well, in Ontario though . I have a 3-year-old and was 18 when she was born as well.
Hey, I am Canadian as well,
Hey,
I am Canadian as well, however living in Ontario.
I am sorry to hear about all the stuff that you are going through right now. I was 18 when I got pregnant with my son (hes 3 1/2 now). It was really difficult at times, but somehow I managed to pull through it.
It sounds like your boyfriends Mom is supportive, in the sense that she was getting you into school, and such. I guess there is hope that if she has been supportive in the past, then she may very well be supportive in this situation.
As for the smoking, and the drama (I read your other post), and the possible not-so-healthy living conditions....Have you considered you and your boyfriend living on your own? I am not too sure about where you are in Canada, but it could be worth looking into the subsized rent-housing, or co-op housing? The Region/County that you are living in ususally controls that...and some regions ( I know the one I am living in does this) may put you on some sort of priority, due to the current living conditions in your home (Second hand smoke DOES count as a health concern. I know someone who was given priority for this). Actually, it would be worth it to get familiarized with the regions public health services in general, as well as to get an understanding of their subsidized daycare policy. There is quite a waiting list for subsidized daycare.
I hope you can find the help you need in this site. I know that in the beginning it can be very overwhleming...having a baby is a life changing event. But you are still able to do and accomplish many of the things that you would want out of life, and many mamas on this site are living proof that its possible!
Thank you so much for this
Thank you so much for this information, me and my boyfriend would very much like to move out before we have the baby, and I have brought up the Subsidized housing to him, as I had learned about it when I was living in another city. As far as I know, because one of my friends is trying to get into it here in the hat, the waiting list isn't even that long, and I'm sure I would have priority over my 18 year old male friend who doesn't have any children over a job. I'll talk to him about it again, because that would definitely be a step in the right direction. The only concerns he has, are affording rent and all of that. He's been trying to get a job as an apprentice for mechanics on the local army base. But they are very slow to process their paperwork. His biggest concern right now is for me to get ahead with school and for him to get a good job. 'Cause he can collect unemployment for a couple more months, but once that runs out we're not going to have much for income.
Right now we're just trying to figure out the big scheme of things and what appropriate steps we need to take to ensure the safety of our coming child.
And also thanks to Momnipotent for your help and information <3
Good idea about the housing
Good idea about the housing and the daycare acrane, you can never start too early when there's a wait list. LOL!
I was just thinking, you might want to check out the Canada Child Tax Benefit online calculator... it will give you a guess of how much you can expect to receive monthly from CCTB. And you will get an additional $100 per month from the Universal Child Care Benefit. It's based on last year's info, so like if you can guess what your info will be for this year that would help, because that's what it's going to be based on.
http://www.cra-arc.gc.ca/ebci/icbc/simnet/SimnController?lnkAccept=lnkAccept&lang=en
Has your BF considered trying the Second Career program through EI? I have a friend going through the process to do that right now, it looks good so far.
If not, once his EI ends, it might be a good idea to look into social assistance (welfare), because they will often have programs for job training and to help you find housing. Although it's not much income.
If it's possible/realistic for you to be working right now, and you can feasibly get 600 hours in before the baby comes, then you could get EI maternity and parental benefits for the first year of baby's life. That's what I did. I know you're busy with school and probably tired from the pregnancy and jobs are harder to come by right now, but I thought I'd put that out there.
I would definatly second the
I would definatly second the working. I only worked part-time before I had Julian, but that extra money i pulled in for the year of maternity leave (EI), really, really helped. The trick is, looking for work BEFORE you start to show...After you start showing, its all that harder to find a job!
The Child Tax Benefit is helpful, as is the Universal Childcare money. For me its an extra gift of money each month, and it always seems to come when I need it!
How long has your BF been laid off for? EI will cover for 40 weeks, I am told. My husband is actually in the same situation currently, however he is an Electrical Apprentice. Its a really shitty place to be in, I know. There just don't seem to be jobs available at this moment. However, according to "The Bank of Canada", the recession is "over" (they said this yesterday). Maybe we can take this as a good sign, that work will be coming in soon?