((Hugs)) Sounds like a really hard situation to be in.

You're describing very controlling behaviour. This is emotionally abusive, especially combined with the fact that he has been a jerk the whole time you've been back. I know it's hard to see these things from inside the relationship sometimes.
I think the best thing to do is to think of what advice you would give your daughter in this situation. Would you want her to stay, or leave and be safe (I mean safe emotionally, not necessarily physically, but that could come up as well)?

I would be careful as well about your daughter. If there is anywhere you can get a free session with a lawyer (if you don't know and don't mind sharing where you live, maybe someone here could help). I would leave and take her, because I would be very worried about him gaining custody. He is emotionally abusive and IMO should not be around your child unsupervised. If you're going to leave her with your mom make sure she understands the situation and is on the same page.
But personally what I would do is immediately take her to my mom's and stay with her there temporarily (I mean just until you can find a shelter for abused women), try to get into a shelter for abused women and then go there get their help to get back on your feet, with her. IMO it's more important for young kids to be with their mothers than to be with someone with money and a car.
Or is it possible for you to stay with her at your mom's and work to get back on your feet there?

It sounds almost like you feel guilty for wanting to throw in the towel. But spying on you like that is not normal. Even if you'd given him all kinds of reason to be suspicious of you, if the state of your relationship is one where he's tracking your keystrokes, you're right to want to leave!

If you can stay at your mom's house for a few months with your kiddo, that's probably the best way to make that transition.

That is emotionally abusive and its not right. It would not be right even if you gave him a reason to think you are cheating, the fact that you have never given him a reason makes it even worse! I would try to leave right away. Also is there not a reason you cannot stay with your mom as well? it sounds like she is willing to take your daugther, could you stay as well? I agree that children should be with their mothers if at all possible. You could just stay until you get a job and get on your feet? I also agree about maybe seeking a lawyer or at least public aid. There are also plenty of programs to help you get on your feet, places like economic security to get medicade and foodstamps if you dont already draw on that, and also they will help you find a job and will provide daycare in many situations while you look and after you start working. there are also many places that help you wth down payments and deposits and stuff to get an apt and get your utilities turned on. like someone said earlier if you dont mind letting us know where you live i could look up some stuff for you. i know here in arizona we have a place called nacog that will help pay bills or help you move once a year. but i think you do need to leave as soon as possible. if you truely feel that way i would sit him down and tell him how you are feeling and let him know why. dont let him try to convince you he will change. you gave him that chance whenh you left and came back, and obviously he didnt. most men wont change no matter what, when they are abusive. if you ever ned to talk or whatever im here if you want to pm me. adn dont feel bad for writing a long post. we've all done it. thats the amazing thing about gm is that there are sooo many amazing mamas who have been thru everything under the sun! so you're likely to get advice on any topic under the sun from great amazing mamas who give great amazing advice! I was in a similar situation when i first signed up to gm in 03 and i was writing long posts like this practically every other week! good luck k sweetie!

Momnipotent is right on. The way he is treating you is abuse. In the long run, staying with him is not going to be a good situation for your daughter. There are services and programs out there to support mothers who are leaving abusive situations specifically so that they don't feel like they're forced to make a choice betweent their welbeing and their children. It's not about what you can give your daughter materially.

So many times when a mama leaves an emotionally abusive relationship and her partner can no longer abuse her that way, he resorts to using their children to gain control over her. If you leave without your daughter, he's way more likely to get custody. Will he really be looking out for her best interest if that's the case? You can all a women's shelter to find out your options for supporting yourself and her while you get on your feet. Depending on where you live, you might be able to apply for welfare to help you get the money you need to set yourself and your daughter up somewhere else.

Often, it's part of the abuse to get you into a position where you feel that you cannot leave unless you leave your child behind.

i dont mind sharing where i live at all... i'm in barnardsville,NC and i've tried calling the national women's abuse hotline and the person i talked to told me that my options were either leave or stay and and deal with it! she wouldn't give me any other information at all even with me asking tons of questions of what i could and couldn't do! she wasn't very helpful at all and that made me mad, and as far as me staying with my momma with my daughter it's not possible cuz my sister and her husband live with my momma so she really only has room for my daughter and not both of us... not only that if i was to go live with any of my family they would be trying to get me to go back home, which is what they done before and i yelled at them and told them to mind their own business that i needed to think bout what i needed to do and what was best for me and my daughter and no one else could do that for me and that i was getting tired of everyone trying to be in my face about going home and staying (they told me that's where i belong and that i should think of my daughter and not try to take her "happy family home" away from her!) so women's shelter and my momma's house are out of the question, along with the rest of my family, because of the fact neither of them were very helpful to me in the first place... whenever me and him split up back in febuary we came to the agreement that if we did divorce that we would split custody between my mother and his mother so that way we both would get to see her anytime we wanted and we also agreed that if he went to my mother's that he wouldn't be allowed to leave with her and if i went to his mother's i wouldn't be allowed to leave with her... that way neither of us would be able to run off with her and try to take her from the other parent which is the last thing that i wanna do is take her daddy away from her... he doesn't treat her the way he does me, he never has... like he told me after i come back that the only reason he married me was cuz of our daughter... i've got two places that i can go but i'm not sure which i would rather go to... i can go to my uncle's house and stay with them til i can get on my feet (with my daughter staying at my mother's as my uncle only has room for one of us like my mother and i can go see Ciara anytime i want at my momma's house) right now my uncle has my car trying to get it fixed and honestly i hope he gets it fixed soon cuz then i'll be able to pack up my stuff one night when he's at work on the weekend while C is at my momma's (she stays there every weekend) and just leave without him even knowing it... the other place i have to go is one of my bestest guy friend's house, he's told me many times that me and C are more than welcome to come and live with him for a while and well this guy has known me for 8 years (4years longer than my husband has known me) and he has even been telling me that i need to just get my stuff packed and leave as soon as i can... he's been telling me that for the past 2 1/2 years... the only downside to me going and living with him is the fact that he's my ex fiance, but he's also the one man that i truly love with all my heart and soul, the only reason me and him broke up to begin with is cuz my family broke us up cuz they didnt like him... then they approve of my now husband and turns out he's not right for me... all i know is that i want to leave but i dont know what i can do and what my options are and Indigosmama is right bout me feeling a little bit guilty for wanting to leave him cuz i do love him and i thought that i wanted to spend the rest of my life with him but not if he's gonna be emotionally abusive to me i dont know how true this is but i've read a few things online that have said that if a man is emotionally abusive to his partner that more than likely that abusive behavior could eventually turn into physical abuse, and to be quite honest i dont want to stick around long enough to find out if it's true or not... and i want to say in advance to everyone that helps me out on this a big thank you for helping me and giving me the advice and support that i'm looking for... i really means alot to me that i've got such great friends (even if they are on the internet) cuz honestly ever since me and my husband started dating almost 4 years ago, he's slowly been running my friends off from me... so as of right now i have no friends that i can talk to except for GM and my bestest guy friend ever who will remain unnamed for now...

hun, I agree with every one else. It sounds like you need to leave and do whats best for you.

Also, I want to point out that you both can care for your daughter, and love your daughter and not be together.