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AngerI've been thinking about the whole anger issue. Sometimes life can be really hard, it can be tiring and overwhelming, sometimes you don't have enough support or validation, sometimes tough things come up. And let's not forget about PMS (although I wish I could)! Everyone feels angry. But. I think women in our culture don't get to acknowledge our anger as a normal, healthy, OK thing. It's always a problem to be solved. And sometimes, it is. When my grandmother was angry she held it in; she never expressed her anger in a healthy way, and so her kids never learned to. This is when anger becomes a problem. Because my mother never learned how to express her anger in a healthy way, but didn't want to sacrifice herself and her feelings the way she grew up watching her mother do, at times she let it take over. This is when anger becomes a problem. Most likely this is a cycle that goes back for a long time. I was thinking about how I've never really been taught specific healthy ways to deal with anger. I mean, I remember being told as a kid, if you're feeling angry, paint a picture to express your emotions. And I thought, WTF, who thinks to themselves, Fuck I'm so pissed, I'm going to go paint a picture! A really good one! LMAO! I would tear up the paper or stab it to death with my paintbrush. I've been working on this for a long time, and I've been getting better and better with it. I'm thinking it might help us to share some ideas of healthy ways to deal with anger. -For me, it helps to anticipate and plan. If I know I'm overtired, I can plan ways to avoid situations that I know are going to be stressful for me, or especially for DD. Let's share some thoughts!
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That is a really great post.
That is a really great post. I usually just cry when I am angry. Or go to my room and sit by myself for a bit. I also don't get angry very much which results in me getting totally freaked out when other people get angry. I generally internalize my feelings and just get stomachaches instead of getting angry. I'd like to develop a healthier relationship to anger.
oh man I'm a yeller. I yell
oh man I'm a yeller. I yell every time I am angry-- which tends to be several times a day with a 19 month old who gives me a smartass laugh when I tell him he's not funny and then keeps climbing on the coffeetable. It's funny because I work at a daycare and it is so much easier to supress my anger and use redirection etc... but at home redirection slips my mind and I just want my son to listen.
It sound so simple, but I
It sound so simple, but I think ensuring that you are engaging in a good amount of self-care is a good tatic at keeping any emotion at bay (anger, depression, sadness, etc). Getting over-stimulated in emotions is a recipe for disaster, and learning to do things that balance you out, its helpful for that. Personally, I like going hiking, practicing yoga, reading a magazine or book, spending time doing nothing online, going for a drive, listening to music by myself, or smoking pot (not right now, as I am pregnant) are helpful, at stoping an emotional over-load before it starts. Also other activities, such as doing my nails (and other such beauty rituals) are helpful.
I find knowing what my own self-relaxing/care activities is helpful in de-fusing the issue before it starts..
But if I really need to be angry, I let myself be angry. My job can involve encounters with people who piss me off. I vent to my co-workers like you wouldnt beleive. And they vent back. I find venting to be helpful. Ilet myself be angry with my husband. I don't yell...i find that just escalates things, but I sure as hell let him know when I am pissed.
Honestly, once I started paying more attention to balancing myself out, and doing things that are helpful for me, my level of angry feelings has decreased.
Most of the time, when I am
Most of the time, when I am angry, I end up crying. I'm trying to find other ways to deal with my anger also.
These are some things that help when I'm angry:
-Running-or even just doing some jumping jacks or crunches since I can't always leave. Lol.
-Taking a shower.
-Writing-this really helps.
-Cleaning-especially doing the dishes.
My friend tells me that anger
My friend tells me that anger means that something is wrong with the situation, that we should not try to ignore our anger or try to shut it up; we should look for where it is coming from and see what we can do to change the situation.
That's what I'm trying to do right now. I'm trying to use my anger constructively.
I'm kind of pissed off about something that's going on at school (long story and I don't want to get too off-topic) and I'm using it as motivation, sort of. Something is going on that I think is unfair, and I will just not allow it to happen. I will work my bum off so that it does not. It's the first time I've felt motivated in class for days.
I really like redirecting it
I really like redirecting it into something productive - I often take out my aggression by, say, cleaning my apartment in a really angry way. By the time I'm done, my anger is usually used up and my a home is a much nicer, cleaner space.
I think I do really well with anger in terms of my kids/partner (our "angry" conversations are often pretty calm and filled with I-statements). Or sometimes I'll say things like, "I'm feeling really angry now. Let's make sure to come back and talk about this once I've had the chance to cool down" - 'cause then I don't feel like the issue (whatever it may be) goes unaddressed, but I also don't have a charged conversation that reflects more my mood than my actual thoughts. I think it helps, sometimes, to isolate what I am actually angry about, and to try to work through it logically. Things that also work for me include writing about it, coming up with strategies/solutions to address the problem, sleeping on it, trying to think about it from different perspectives, etc...
My biggest problem with anger is that when I am angry with friends or colleagues, I don't always address it. It often turns into secret resentments that they probably aren't even aware of. Ugh. Not the healthiest way of dealing - I think it's much better to be honest and upfront, and so clear the air. I'm still working on that one.