So, Phil (my partner) was supposed to cut down on drinking (meaning he was supposed to stop sitting out in the bandroom getting shitfaced every night until 4 or 5 am) before the baby was born. He didn't. Then the baby was born, and he was supposedly cutting down. That didn't happen. He still drinks every fucking night, and gets totally shitfaced every other night at least, and we co-sleep with the baby, so he gets mad when I wake up when he's crawling into bed drunk and I tell him to go sleep in the bandroom, on the couch.

Last night he comes into the bedroom shitfaced at around 5 am. I tell him that he can't keep coming into the bedroom in the middle of the night, drunk and sleep in the bed with me and the baby, because, as he knows, this puts the baby in danger. He starts an argument with me, and says that we're living in "his house, sleeping on HIS BED" (We live in his mother's house, in one bedroom) So naturally I say, hey, we don't have to be living in your house, in your bedroom. (Ethan sleeps in the room with us as well, on an air matress across the room). He fucking hit me, while I was holding the baby in my arms. So, of course I put the baby down, safely on the bed, and freak out, trying to hit him back and he hit me two more times. By hitting, I mean with an open hand, on the face, pretty damn hard though. I finally get him to leave the room, and he goes back to the bandroom and is on the computer for awhile I guess and then passed out on the couch or whatever.

I finally talked to him about it about an hour ago. He didn't remember what happened, and agrees that it better not happen again, and now understands why I haven't hugged him back or kissed him really, all day today.

I don't know what to do about this. His drinking is out of control, and everything just seems to be getting worse and worse, rather than better and better.

Ethan woke up of course, during the whole ordeal and he started screaming and crying, and saying stop hitting my mommy. Today is Ethan's birthday, I hope that doesn't fuck up his memories of his birthday from now on. My ex hit me a few times (well, more than just hit) and Ethan was witness to that, and I don't want this relationship to be like that. I've known Phil for over 10 years. Why the fuck would this suddenly start right now?

So, I don't know what to do.

Part of me just wants to say fuck it.

Part of me just wants to take a break from the relationship and leave for awhile, until he stops drinking so much and gets his life more in order.

I mean, YOU DON'T FUCKING HIT SOMEONE WHO'S HOLDING A BABY!

I love him very much, and he's great with Ethan, and good with the baby, but this sucks.

I don't know what to do.