I moved this thread into Relationships. I figured it would fit better here than in Social Justice. It sounds hard to have been in a relationship with someone for so long at a young age and have a child together and then transition to the mentality that you are no longer in a relationship. I hope it gets easier.

I left my baby daddy when my son was 11 months old. We were not on the same track as far as what we wanted out of being parents/ what we had to offer as parents. Leaving was scary, but my life has been awesome since then. I do have a partner now and we have been together almost two years. We are just now getting into more serious territory. My son, on his own started referring to my current partner as his parent...

my story is a lot like adcaela's. I left when I was 5 months pregnant. i'm lucky in that I had a lot of encouragement and support from my parents. without that, I still would've left, but it would've taken a lot longer. I have a partner now and my son has adopted him as dad. he has never met my ex and probably never will. it hasn't bothered him yet.

me and my husband were only dating when i got pregnant with my daughter, we had been together bout a year and when she was bout a year old we made it official and got married at the justice of the peace, we've been together for 3 years (living with eachother the entire time i might add) he's a wonderful father and husband... proud mama as of june 2nd 2007

My husband (then boyfriend) were newly dating when I was first became pregnant with A. We started living together when I was about 5-6 months pregnant. We decided to get married when she was about 7-8 months old.... Got married just a week after her 2nd birthday. Had another baby in July. He is really awesome...

I broke up with my babys dad when my son was a little over one, he's 4.5 now. He was such a jerk and me and my kiddo are way better off without him! He hardly ever sees my son, just on holidays pretty much. I have been in a relationship for over a year. My boyfriend isn't a dad figure to my son really, but he's definitely friendly with him and spends time with him.

I left bd when I was 9 months pregnant. It was very hard because he was controlling and I didn't know what to do without him, but things are better now. J is 4.5 and I have been partnered with a wonderful man with 2 children for almost 2 years now. J saw his dad on and off for about a month untill he was nasty to me and him and I advised him he could no longer see him because of the way he was treating us both. My so now is amazing and does everything a father should do.

I left my bd when I was a few months pregnant. He was controlling and had an abusive personality. I've seen him once since and he's never met our son. The only feelings I have for him are negative feelings like hatred and loathing. My second bd and I broke up before I even found out that I was pregnant. We didn't talk for months. He called me one night out of the blue from jail, and I told him about the pregnancy then. He's seen our daughter a handful of times and we now live across the country from him. We keep in contact when he's not in prison, and he was building a long distance relationship with dd until he got himself into more trouble. I do still have feelings for him and I probably always will. I've been with my 3rd child's father for almost 6 years now. It was really rocky in the beginning, but things are a lot better now. I am happy with him, and I know that I'm with him because I want to be and not because we share a child. He is "Dad" to my other two children as well, although they know that biologically he's not their "father".

Im still with my BD. I got pregnant like three months after we started having sex together....we had been dating for like 1 months...so it was a very very fresh relationship. However, we had been close close friends for a while. Anyways, I had Julian......we got married 18 months later. Got married because we wanted to, not cause we had to. For the most part we are happy...no real fighting. There was a big struggle for a while, as I got sick and it took its toll on the relationship...but things are looking good at the moment...

I've been with my BD for about 1 1/2 years now, and we're about to have our 1st baby in a couple weeks. We've broken up a few times and I don't really know if anything has ever really gotten any better, but I love him so we stay together.

I left my kids father when I was 5 months pregnant. It was hard... because I was lonely and depressed, but leaving him was one of the best things I've ever done. I saved my own life (and my son's). My son's father has a lot of issues that he doesn't want to deal with and I can't change anyone, so I just left.

I left my bd when My kids were about 1 year old. He was controlling, abusive and a serious Meth Addict. Since then we have been through a long and difficult legal battle. Mainly over visitation and child support. At this point, I would prefer that he not have any contact with my kids. He has seen them a total of 4 hours in the past 3 years. I was single and happy for four years after I left bd. Then I got into another pretty bad relationship with another controlling irresponsible person. I left him about 6 months ago, and have a new boyfriend that just moved in with me. My new SO is really great. We have only been together 6 months, but it is the happiest I have ever felt with anyone. My kids adore him. And I hope that we can make it work out.

I got after only 1 month of dating. I was 14 at the time. I was banned from seeing him by my abusive stepfather. But when Ian was 1 and I was 16, he beat my mom while holding Ian. She left him and a few months later we moved in together. During that time, my pregnancy and until he was 1, wetalked when I could sneak it, and I found a babysitter who was willing to let him come over to see Ian while I was at school without telling my parents. We lived together and when I was 17 we got pregnant with our second child Aidan. We waited until my 18th birthday, and 4 months pregnant. Because I wanted to be able to apply for my marriage licence, and not need my moms permission. We applied on my bday and got married 4 days later. We now have our 3 child Kiara who is 7 1/2 months. We have been together 6 1/2 year, including that time we weren't allowed to see each other, and married for 3 years on march 28th.

*Caitlin Marie* 20 yrs. old Baby Girl ~ Kira Nichole ~ born. February 2, 2005.... 8 lbs. 2 oz. 19 1/2 ". Wow everyone thanks for the input I wasn't expecting so much. Everyones stories are so different from eachothers idk things are getting better on my end and I am proud to say that I finally after 5 years can say i do not love him and that makes me really happy to be able to say that. I still love him only because we have a child together and spent so many years together obviously but I mean i am no longer IN love with him..... I have finally met someone that i am really happy with and my daughter loves him and that makes me so happy shes needs that stability in her life. But again that you so much. Hes a loser and not a very good father, i know he loves her and does take her every other weekend but does absolutley nothing to support her which blows and hes currently in jail for trying to beat up my current b/.f.. ok thanks ladies!

just be careful jumping into anything new. it feels really easy to slip into a new relationship when you have a kid because it feels like a ready made family, but things can get really messy if they don't work out and the kid gets attached/confused.

Congratulations on your baby girl! Glad you have moved on from a bad relationship.

Caitlin Mother of Kira Nichole born Feb. 2nd . 2005 8. lbs. 2 oz. 4:18 am.

I broke up with my Landon's father when I was four months pregnant. We had been together for over a year when I got pregnant, but I stopped wanting to be with him after about six months of being together. However, I felt trapped because of his suicide threats and he had a way of manipulating me to stay with him. Even when I tried to leave him, he found a way to make me feel bad and I'd stay with him. One day I realized that I would never in hell want a relationship with him and I left him for good.

He hasn't been much of a father at all. Seeing him a few half hours here and there in the first year. Then he started taking him over night on fridays when he was a year old. That lasted about a month until his mom called me and said she didn't want my son staying there anymore. I found out he had been stealing the xmas money that his mom was saving up for landon and that he was having violent fits again, most likely in front of my son. Punching walls, throwing things, etc.

He was put in an out-patient program, with the alternative being jail time for failing drug tests, stealing, etc. I gave him one more chance to be a father and he blew it by never calling and just not coming to get Landon on scheduled days. He's still on drugs and still doesn't have a job or give me child support.

I told him today that he was out of Landon's life. He is only going to cause us pain. And no, I definately have no good feelings for that ass.

I'm now with a guy who is great. We've been friends for about 4-5 years now and have been together about seven months. He plays with Landon, helps me clean the house when I'm stressed, comes with to appointments for Landon, helps buy him diapers and food when I have no money, etc. I never asked him to do any of this EVER. But he says he loves Landon and cares about him just as much as he cares about me and he loves to do things with and for him. Landon adores him and calls him "Tonny" for Jonny. He gets excited to see him everyday and they dance and sing and play together pretty much the whold time they are togehter. It makes me so happy.

Elyse, I am so glad you are in a better relationship!

Thank you! I'm very happy about it also. It's a good change.
I'm glad to see you are in a good relationship that you're happy with too.

I have had an on and off relationship with my kid's dad for 3 years. Lived together on and off. I have had other relationships over the past 3 years with a few women. Over the past year I was practicing having open relationships while being with my BD, but he couldn't really get behind the idea. Throughout that time I had another serious relationship which has turned into a very close and at times almost co-parent relationship with my "ex-girlfriend" - she is my best friend and plays a huge role in my daughter's life (and mine) and in my current pregnancy as a birth partner and support person. We have really strong communication about boundaries and I don't have expectations of my lovers to act as parents to my kid. Some relationships seem grow naturally into helping out with my daughter. I am currently starting to see someone new, and have made it very clear to him and myself that I am not looking for a partner, just for someone to enjoy being with. I have been single parenting for 3 years and i feel comfortable in that position. I think it's important to be really clear with yourself - what you are looking for in relationships.

Ownership is a really difficult feeling to get over in relationships. You are using the word ownership so i'm going to assume that is how you are describing the way you feel about him. There is a lot of guilt, jealousy and pain in breakups. Have you ever read "All about Love" by Bell Hooks? I have read parts of it, also if you can get your hands on a copy of "Redefining Relationships" by Wendy-O-Matik has some good advice about letting go of jealously and posession.

WTF you're pregnant?!?! Wow! Yay! I had no idea.

Haha I just read that part like 5 tims in a row trying to figure out if i knew that or not already. congrats!