I have a friend, a best friend of mine, that is in a Rehab right now. She was into drugs real bad, and drinking almost every night. She is doing sooooo much better now. She has been sober now for I think a month. We write to each other constantly, and she says that it sucks being there but that she's glad she had to go. She is really happy to be sober. I think that it would help, but that is just one person's experience. So I'm not sure if it would work for everyone. I mean my friend sounds a lot like how your sister is. She went from guy to guy, and none of them any good. But I wish you luck, I hope you find out what to do with her. Keep us updated!!!!

I've never been to rehab or anything so I can't speak from experience, but legally your sister is a child and it's ultimately your mom's decision whether or not to put her into a facility. I've never heard of anyone saying that going to rehab has fucked them up. Of course, there's a chance she might not take it seriously and go back to her old ways as soon as she gets out but on the other hand it could be exactly what she needs right now. What I do know is this: unless she's ready to help herself, it won't work. She has to want to change for herself, not to please anyone else. I know it's hard watching your sister make mistakes but sometimes people need to learn on their own. Maybe she would benefit from some counselling rather than going to stay in a rehab centre.

thank you both for your comments. My sister doesnt seem to be addicted to drugs but more like social use. I think if she had better self esteem to choose a better group of friends she wouldnt use them if her friends didnt. I do know for sure though if my mom doesnt stop the behavior now it will turn into an addiciton probably with far worse drugs than weed. I think she needs counseling the most, some very seriuos counseling but where they live there arent any places and my mom works seven days a week now since my sister uses all her money. I have offered for her to live with me since I live in a bigger town with more resources to help her but I just dont think I can give her all the help she needs. Thanks again for your help.

*Going into rehab seriously fucked me up*, and when I got out I had not changed becuase I didn't want to. I disagree with the PPs. Non-consensual inpatient treatment is never a good thing. I will not talk about it, but my experience with that has scarred me for life, seriously scarred me, more than anything I experienced outside, including being raped. It was more terrifying than ever. I still have flashbacks and wake up with horrible nightmares. I know a couple other people who have been through it, and all I hear from people who didn't want to go is terrible experiences. Those places can be really, really bad, and I know my mom had no idea how I was being treated. It's pretty normal for a teenager to be drinking and smoking pot. It's worrisome, yes, but she's not a heroin junkie. A counselor might help her, but really I don't think it's right to force her into treatment of any kind against her will. People almost never get better unless they seek help on their own. It is likely to make the situation worse, IMHO. The stealing money seems like the biggest deal to me. Obviously, she can't be trusted, and you and your family members need to protect your assets from her. Things like credit cards should be kept on person or locked away so she cannot access them. I was like that, my friends were crazy, I was crazy, I drank a lot and smoked lots of weed, I stole money, I stole a car, etc, but you know what? I didn't become a drug addict like everyone in my life thought I would. They didn't understand, and I'm sure that's how she feels. Don't condemn her. Give her someone to talk to, educate her (if she thinks beer is worse than liquor, she needs to be educated so she doesn't accidently get in over her head), but accept that she is going through whatever she is going through and do not force her.

I also want to add, anything mentioning rehab, mental institutions, non-medical hospitalization, etc. are extremely triggering for me. I have had to stop watching movies, quit in the middle of books, etc. So much abuse is surrounding those places, people don't even know. When I read this post last night I completely froze up. I tried to respond and couldn't. When I read the responses this morning, I had to say something because I think my perspective needed to be added, but it is hard for me and now I have to go to work with these feelings... I'll be okay though, I'm triggered with this often, so I'm used to it. I even used to fear men of a certain heritage because they reminded me of the head doctor I was terrified of.

MamaButterfly wrote: Non-consensual inpatient treatment is never a good thing. Word. The effects of having been involuntarily subjected to inpatient treatment is something that still affects me, five years later, on a daily basis. And I don't think that's uncommon. So many people have traumatizing experiences due to involuntary (and sometimes voluntary) in-patient treatment that the term psychiatric survivor has been formed, because abuse is that common. I actually started a group for psychiatric survivors and other mad people because my experiences in the system make it so I don't trust mental health professionals and only have used them in attempts to get the paperwork I need for a medical transition (for my trans stuff), and even then, I don't trust them enough to be upfront with them. And I don't think involuntary hospitalization could help fix low self-esteem. By forcing someone in a really controlled environment, you are sending the message that their choices are *so* bad that they cannot be trusted and have to have *everything* in their life regulated. And, like mamabutterfuly, for me, the program didn't do a stitch of good.

Yeah, it's been ten years for me, and it is still extremely painful. I also don't trust mental health professionals.

thats exactly why i fear for her to go. on the other hand I think you, mamabutterfly are an exception. If you were a heavy drug/alcohol user and now are completely sober. I know I "experimented with weed" but never used it every weekend, I never touched liquor. I had limits even if they were pretty low, My sister has no limits. She has already gotten in one car wreck, drives drunk every weekend and I am sure that if things dont change she will probably get hurt or hurt someone by driving drunk. She takes the car almost every day and sometimes doesnt come home. She has been charged by my mom for car theft and did a year of community service. I think she needs a wake up call. I dont think what she is doing is normal for a teenager, maybe a teenager who needs counseling. I tell her all the time how pretty,smart, and caring she is how she deserves to be treated better than what her gangster bf does to her. But she doesnt listen. I used to worry about her getting pregnant but lately I worry about her being alive in five years. I know this is a very complex and emotional issue. I myself am a victim of sexual abuse and I know if she goes somewhere I will worry sick about her everyday she is gone. I would like her to move in with me but with school fulltime and being a single mom to 2 boys 18months and a first grader i dont know if I can handle all of it.

Quote:If you were a heavy drug/alcohol user and now are completely sober. Hmm... I didn't say that. Please don't make any assumptions. It does sound like things are crazy for her right now. I would be concerned too, I just don't think non-consensual inpatient treatment is good for anyone. Personally, I'd rather go to jail.

I know I shouldnt have said that... sorry. I was making assumptions. But I am just really worried about her. I know its hard to know what exactly to do. I am talking to my mom about the best option. Thank you for offering your story.. do you mind telling what city/state you went to rehab. or the rehab center? thanx

When I was young I was into heavy drugs (cocaine) and I partied almost everyday, I was with someone who wasn't good for me, a total fuck up who now is an awesome man. I came out fine. I never went to rehab but I was sent away for a whole summer with distant relatives who were extremely strict. I totally rebeled and did some horrible stuff while with them. I think if I had been to some sort of rehab it would have been worse. Teenage years are time for experimentation. I really don't think rehab would help unless she truely wants to be helped. I suggest hiding any sort of money (cash, checks, credit cards, bank cards) and car keys in some sort of safe (a good one that she can't pick the lock on) and keep the key on your mom at all times. You can't control her partying but you can control the money issue. From experience, the harder my parents tried to control me and be strict the more I rebeled. I was a horrible teenager and did some horrible things but I came out pretty good I'd say.

i wish there were some of her deceased fathers relatives willing to help but my mom asked last year and all six said no. which is understandable. I know I was a very bad teen myself which is why ten years later i hate to see my mom go thru it even worse yet again. alot of it is my moms fault but some is just being a teenager. i know i never really got into drugs or alcohol just boys,boys,boys! lol but once i got pregnant at 17 I quit it all and i think I am okay now. I just know a lot of ppl including my bf and bd who starting drugs/alc real young and are still like that and I just dont think its a great way to be to have to be addicted to something to feel okay everyday. My bf cant live without at least 2 quarts of beer everyday and passes out every evening. Thats sad to me, even sadder when children are involved. I am not judging just trying to prevent more pain for my sister in the long run. thanks for the comments thus far. I think, sad to say, that my mom is just tired of dealing with us all. She had her first child at 18 and wont be done for another 3 years when she is 48. ugh 30 years of parenting us brats but she made us that way so i dont know. thats why i always say i dont want kids so far apart but then... idk

That's okay, Mommabird. I would probably be worried too. I pretty much view teenagers like adults in that you can't force change in them. ian&aidansmama wrote:From experience, the harder my parents tried to control me and be strict the more I rebeled. I was a horrible teenager and did some horrible things but I came out pretty good I'd say. My experience was much the same. Although I wouldn't describe anything I did as horrible. My mother would, I'm sure. I really do not look forward to the teenage years in my kids. I'm already seeing hints of defiance in my seven year old that seems just too mature. I love teenagers, I actually connect with people younger than me really well and I would love to work with teens, but it would be so scary to watch your kid going through something like that and knowing you aren't in charge of their choices anymore. It must be terribly hard as a parent to see your child going down a dangerous path.