I have a very hard time making friends. I get very nervous when I try. A lot of people don't like me when they first meet me because I am shy and quiet and reserved at first. I come off cold. I am the type of person who is pretty private except for around close friends.

But I don't have many close friends. The ones I did have all moved away for university or work or whatever. I have lots of acquaintances or coworkers who I'd consider friends, but not to the level that I am looking for, that I crave. I miss the closeness, the familiarity of good friends. I am really lonely.

I broke up with BD a few months back.... still he is one of the only people I am close too. Sometimes he is the only person around to talk to. I don't want to talk to him anymore. It just makes things worse.

This is something I've struggled with since I very first got pregnant. I have a hard time feeling like I fit in anywhere. I feel like my life is different from the people I know and that nobody "gets" me. I tried with other moms, but that can be just as hard. Moms are so competitive around one another sometimes. And it seems that every single young mom my age who I should be friends with is just so damn happy about parenting all the time. I seem to be the only person I know who has found it to be a struggle becoming a mom. So then I don't really want to talk to them either, because out in the real world people are not so forgiving and they are judging everything I say about my life and my kid. It has changed my whole life. Sometimes I'm ok, and sometimes I'm not. I just want a sense of normalcy again. I'm tired of feeling "different" and I'm tired of feeling alone in all this.