Curse every fucking video/article that talks about breastfeeding as if it were easy. I've had the most difficult time. I'm not ready to call it quits, but breastfeeding hasn't been what its chalked up to be. I wanted, no I need breastfeeding to be a quiet, soothing time when m&m and I can just relax and gaze into each others eyes, ya know, form a lasting bond. Instead we somehow ended up with a bad latch and m&m always has huge spit ups, caused by a bad latch I guess. The latch wasn't bothersome at first, we actually had a good one at first, but now its kinda shallow and her bottom lip gets tucked under - and its getting painful. A lot of articles I've read about latch say break every bad latch till you get a right one. Are they insane? So they want me to break my daughters latch and get her all frustrated and angry everytime she eats? And they want me to have to wrestle with her every feeding to the point of me wanting to cry/scream/explode. And getting a good latch in the middle of the night when I'm barely able to keep my eyes open? forget it. I was told, too, not to start a bottle till a good latch is established? are you kidding me? So I'm expected to continue painful, heartbreaking breastfeeding sessions day after day with no break, for either of us? No, I can't do that.
My flow too is sporadic. I often feel empty and only have full breast at least twice a day. My flows either too strong for her to handle, or so weak that she cries out in hunger for hours until my supply comes back.
Needless to say, I'm frustrated, tired.