girl-mom

Community Advocacy and Support by and for Young Mothers

I swear I'm about ready to loss it....

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Pintsized
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I swear I'm about ready to loss it....

Curse every fucking video/article that talks about breastfeeding as if it were easy. I've had the most difficult time. I'm not ready to call it quits, but breastfeeding hasn't been what its chalked up to be. I wanted, no I need breastfeeding to be a quiet, soothing time when m&m and I can just relax and gaze into each others eyes, ya know, form a lasting bond. Instead we somehow ended up with a bad latch and m&m always has huge spit ups, caused by a bad latch I guess. The latch wasn't bothersome at first, we actually had a good one at first, but now its kinda shallow and her bottom lip gets tucked under - and its getting painful. A lot of articles I've read about latch say break every bad latch till you get a right one. Are they insane? So they want me to break my daughters latch and get her all frustrated and angry everytime she eats? And they want me to have to wrestle with her every feeding to the point of me wanting to cry/scream/explode. And getting a good latch in the middle of the night when I'm barely able to keep my eyes open? forget it. I was told, too, not to start a bottle till a good latch is established? are you kidding me? So I'm expected to continue painful, heartbreaking breastfeeding sessions day after day with no break, for either of us? No, I can't do that.

My flow too is sporadic. I often feel empty and only have full breast at least twice a day. My flows either too strong for her to handle, or so weak that she cries out in hunger for hours until my supply comes back.

Needless to say, I'm frustrated, tired.

MamaButterfly
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Re: I swear I'm about ready to loss it....

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. Go see an IBCLC (the best certification for a lactation consultant). Also, I highly reccommend checking out the info and forums at www.kellymom.com it is the best resource for breastfeeding online, and is a site created by an IBCLC.

It's normal in the early weeks for your breasts to seem uneven with their flow at first. After your milk is established, your breasts will probably feel empty most of the time, but that doesn't mean you don't have enough milk. Your body will make exactly the right amount of milk when your baby sucks. It's normal for there to be way too much at first, and for your breasts to feel engorged and baby to choke.

The spit up is not because of bad latch. Some babies are bigger spitters than others. It could be caused by too strong of a letdown and choking, but that will correct itself once bfing is well established.

Whatever you do, don't give your baby a bottle because it could completely destroy your nursing relationship. Just keep nursing as much as she wants, and try to get her to open wide whenever you offer her the breast.

Why do you think she's got a bad latch? Is it just her lip? Instead of completely releasing her latch, you could just pull her lip out and encourage her to suck the nipple deeper into her mouth. Until her latch is fixed, you can use lansinoh or another lanolin cream for any discomfort in your nipples. I hope you figure this out! I'm here to help you, and I strongly encourage you to see an IBCLC and check out Kellymom.com.

MamaCaboose
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Re: I swear I'm about ready to loss it....

I've only got a moment right now (I will read your post more thoroughly and give you specific advice when I've got a little more time), but I did want to send you some positive vibes across the interweb. Breastfeeding can be hard! Especially at first, when you're establishing a latch and a supply - those first few weeks of nursing can be super painful. I second the kellymom and lactation consultant advice. Also, check out la leche league: http://www.llli.org/resources/assistance.html?m=0,0 When having breastfeeding challenges with F, my phone consultation with someone from la leche league was priceless. We also have a breastfeeding buddy program on girlmom that you might check out. Know that it will get easier with work and time. Good luck with everything!

Pintsized
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Re: I swear I'm about ready to loss it....

I already started a bottle a week ago (at the three week mark) for my sanity and I really have to start working on my senior project again and couldn't do it without sending her away with my parents for awhile every week with a couple bottles. Solely breastfeeding just isn't realistic for us right now. And as far as I'm concerned, the bottle could strengthen our breastfeeding relationship. I mean it sucked already, at least bottlefeeding allows me to hand her over to my partner and breath, it allows her to get what she needs without wailing for three hours strait while my supply comes back. I do realize she may come to prefer the constant flow of the bottle, but I need her to realize the difference between the two. I can't continue to exclusively breastfeed, we don't have the luxury.

Usually she's had just a bottle a day, at night mostly. I seem to not be able to produce enough for m&m at night. It gets so exhausting to not be able to fill her up. She'll cry for hours till I have a better supply for her. So for now we've opted to give her a bottle when I've tried feeding her several times and I obviously got nothing for her, when I'm at my wits end, and when my arms have turned to butter. Last night was horrible. She was getting so angry at my breast and she was so obviously hungry. I just fell so pathetic as a mother, not even being able to feed my own child.

In the last day or so I have noticed that I'm not becoming engorged anymore. As such she'd not choking on the breast milk when trying to down it all and her spit ups are definitely less than they were. So maybe some headway is being made cause of that. Hope I don't become content with a bad latch.

I used to just pump when I was obvious engorged, so when should I pump now? Anytime? After she feeds? What the best method?

Yeah, I think she has a bed latch cause her lower lip tucks in. I often try to lower her lip by gently pressing on the chin, but she does NOT want to budge. She'll wrestle with me (I'm getting to know her personality already, ha!) and get obviously frustrated cause she just wants to eat and not be poked at. Other times she's so relaxed at the breast that when I do go to fix the latch she just unlatches and simply falls asleep without even finishing her meal, only to get super hungry and want a mega feed later on (which I can not satisfy).To remedy this I've tried to get a good latch from the get go. Sometimes it happens, sometimes it doesn't. I'd rather live through a bad latch temporarily than have her angry at the breast or asleep still hungry.

missiy
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Re: I swear I'm about ready to loss it....

Make sure you are taking care of yourself too! Keep your body and mind healthy. Drink lots of water and yes you can have a few minutes to yourself by handing her over to your partner.

As for pumping... I didn't start pumping until we had a set bfing routine. Then I was able to like pump one breast while he was latched on the other. Especially at night once he stopped waking up so much. I was getting so full and he only needed what was in one breast so it was really worth it to pump the other side simultaneously.

Good luck with everything. You have a lot of support here and contacting a lactation consultant will give you even more support. :-)

Danielle04o7
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Re: I swear I'm about ready to loss it....

I agree, make sure you are taking good care of yourself, drink lots of water, if you want to boost your supply, try oatmeal.
Also to help with the latch, try a nipple shield. They are available at babies r us, and I think target. My DS had a bad latch and severe tongue tie. This saved breastfeeding for us.
Also if m&m is tongue tied, it would cause a bad latch. Its something to look into, But I wouldn't trust your pedi with it, because ours didn't think it was an "issue" but when we saw a Lactation consultant, it really WAS an issue.
best of luck to you. `

feralfilly
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Re: I swear I'm about ready to loss it....

I tried to breastfeed with my daughter and she just wouldn't have it. It was important to me to do so with her, as my first child was premature and physically unable to breastfeed when he was born.

I ended up just letting it go after having pretty much the same problems as you describe. She wasn't getting enough and I had had enough!

As hard as you try and as much as you want it to happen there are some babies that just dont "latch" on to breastfeeding. It doesn't mean you are doing it all wrong or that your baby is being uncooperative.

In the broad scope, sometimes its better to just focus your energies elsewhere rather than continue down the path of frustration for both of you.

You deserve the bonding time you describe; and doing it over a bottle rather than your breast isn't going to change the quality of that time together.

Just my two cents!

Good luck!